Steps 8 and 9 of the standard Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program address the 12-Step amends process. Remember that the 9th step is not over when you have gone through your list. It involves remembering amends you forgot to make, making new wrongs right (this is what the next step is all about). This step involves a life-long commitment to make yourself a better person. The text focuses on the process by which step 9 helps us evolve from selfish to more altruistic individuals. The promises explain that “We will lose interest https://ecosoberhouse.com/ in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.
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Reflecting on previous attempts at making amends can provide valuable insights and learning opportunities for more effective amends in the future. Examples of lessons learned might include realizing the importance of timing, understanding the other person’s perspective, and recognizing when living amends an apology is better left unsaid if it causes harm. Ideally, it should be done when the person is in a receptive state and ready to hear your apology. This involves considering a sustained period of sobriety and the readiness of both parties to engage with one another, at least for this purpose. The script also aids in initiating the amends process with an outreach message to confirm if the person is open to receiving an apology. This makes the script a powerful tool for managing things in a structured, thoughtful, and sensitive manner.
- An amend involves rectifying or making right what was wrong.
- This involves showing that one’s actions now align with their intentions, as opposed to the misalignment or downright manipulations that often occur during active addiction.
- Everyday AA slogans like ‘taking it easy,’ ‘progress rather than perfection,’ and ‘live and let live’ can all be helpful reminders that apply when making amends too.
- The AA Big Book emphasizes the importance of being willing to make amends for the harm we have caused, while also avoiding causing further harm in the process.
- We go back to a moment in time and we fixate on the things we wish we had done differently.
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In most cases, the offender owes apologies to the people closest to them, like their friends, parents, and children. Another example is a substance or alcohol-addicted adult child who regularly steals money, jewelry, and other valuable items from their elderly parent’s home. However, they may suddenly feel guilty and decide to change their ways.
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Making any type of amends can be challenging, but in this article, we’ll focus on living amends and tips for how to make them. If you or a loved one is struggling to stay sober or needs help maintaining sobriety while working the 12 Steps, Eudaimonia Recovery Homes can help. The origin of living amends in modern use relates to addiction recovery and substance abuse treatment.
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You will need to demonstrate that you are committed to rebuilding trust and repairing your relationship with them. When making amends it is important that you focus on your behaviors only and your amends. Or because of my drug use I ….” have no place in this process. Of course, others in our lives had negative behaviors or unhealthy ways of responding to addiction but that has nothing to do with us making amends for our own behaviors. You will lessen the impact of your amends if you water it down with excuses and external blame.
- Making direct amends means actively confronting your behavior with the person who you harmed.
- Unlike apologies, they involve concrete actions to restore trust, right the wrongs we made and rebuild relationships as we demonstrate our changed behavior.
- Accept responsibility for the impact of your actions on others.
- It is about what we do despite that wrongdoing, “abandoning our right to resentment . . . “.
Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors. In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good. And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all. However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of Step 9 and progress in your step work. Making amends fosters clarity, self-forgiveness, and relief from guilt, which is healing. It also offers others a chance to gain resolution or a deeper understanding of your recovery journey.
- Recovery is about aligning your actions with your intentions, which often did not match during the time period of your active addiction.
- The unfortunate truth is that we’re all human and we all fall short sometimes.
- Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve.
- So, to truly make amends, we have to offer more than words.
I don’t punish them with silence (although I did do that in the past). Ninety percent of the time, I keep my mouth shut, but I am my drug addiction son’s mother. I have a responsibility to parent him and speak out for his best interests. Early in my recovery, I learned neither my son nor my husband was listening to anything I said.